How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
