Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
