alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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