I need to stop coming to work sober
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
