I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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