so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
