tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
