OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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