dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
