That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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