Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.

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(516): View more from New York

Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(207): View more from Maine

Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.

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(707): View more from California

Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!

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(847): View more from Illinois

Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash

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(366): View more from

After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.

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