sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
