I'm lost and stupid without you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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