whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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