which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
