I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
