you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
