Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just pee around me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
