He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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