I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
