he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
