We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
