I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
