are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
