Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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