Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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