I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
