im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
