That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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