I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish you could order shots online.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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