my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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