Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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