In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
