Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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