Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
