I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
