Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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