"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When are your genitals available?
A+ Viking dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
