well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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