Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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