I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
