Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
