You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
