She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
