I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
