Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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