I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
