I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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