nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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