im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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