Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
