Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
