You're so nebulous sometimes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
