I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
