I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
