I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
