He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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