Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
