the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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