i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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