We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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