I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
